I will trust and not be afraid...

Day 14: Had follow up appointment with surgeon today. Waited 2 1/2 hours a little room with Brett, Brooke and my parents for him to come in...that was a long wait. Luckily Brady was able to go to a friend's house. It was a long conversation so I'll try and keep it as brief as possible. Most of you may not know I found this lump last year and had surgery scheduled to have it removed. Two weeks before surgery I found out I was pregnant, so obviously we cancelled the surgery. But doctors weren't concerned about it because I've had 2 benign fiber adnomas in the past and this presented as the same thing, so they said they'd follow up with me after I had my baby.

They did follow up with me only weeks after Brooke was born, however I was going through depression/anxiety from having Brooke and didn't feel I wanted to do anything about it yet, my plate was full, plus I told her I was breastfeeding...and after all nobody (including me) was all that concerned about it. About a month later they called again (by mistake), the lady on the phone didn't get the message I was breastfeeding and to call back in a year and as it turned out I wasn't breastfeeding anymore....so I couldn't use that excuse when she asked me. She urged me to at least have another ultrasound and see if it had changed any during my pregnancy. Well since my deductible was met from having Brooke I thought now would be the best time to do it financially....so I agreed.

The ultrasound came back....surgeon says, "well, it hasn't grown any and that's a great sign!, I still think it's a benign fiber adnoma, but I suggest doing a needle biopsy or just removing it to be sure." Yeah, yeah, yeah they have to say that to "cover themselves" and be extra cautious. I debated about whether or not to do it, but again my deductible had been met and I might as well get rid of it now and not have to think about it anymore. Plus my therapist (who'd I'd been seeing for my anxiety) when I asked her advice about getting it removed, told me about her sister who died of breast cancer having got a fourth lump after having 3 removed (all benign) and didn't do anything about the 4th one, thinking "here we go again"...it's another begin cyst, but this time it wasn't and she waited to long. I thought that could be a sign from God to do it as well. As we all know now it WAS!

God also showed me a few days ago that if I had not become pregnant the very month I did, I would have had the surgery and found the cancer and immediately proceeded with their recommended treatment and likely would have been unable to have anymore children! CAN WE SAY MIRACLE BABY!!!! Oh just wait...it gets better...remember how I say the doctor said it hadn't grown? Well according to both my surgeons they had NO explanation as to why my cancer did not grow during my pregnancy! The type I have is aggressive in nature w/o being pregnant, but pregnancy typically accelerates the grow of cancer as well! JESUS!!! I asked how this can be numerous times and my surgeon said, well "it's amazing, somebody upstairs is watching out for you". Little did he know my faith!

So back to yesterday, I kept feeling like I need assurance that this was really cancer, could there be a mistake? No, no mistake...the extra tissue they took to try and get my margins clear also showed cancer. Darn, that stinks. They want there to be 1.0cm "margin's" cancer free, I have one area that is still only .5cm...so they need to go back in and take some more tissue from that area to make it 1.0cm, but before we do that I need a couple more test results and make some decisions.

I had some blood taken a little over a week ago now that's being analyzed for my genetic predisposition to breast cancer. If that comes back positive then I'm for sure looking at a double mastectomy. They are also re-analyzing my original tumor to be sure that it is "Invasive carcinoma, Her2nu Positive" cancer, 2 tests have already confirmed this, but this 3rd one is really thorough, they want to be sure and I want them to be sure as well! This also looks at whether I'm high risk for re-occurrence. If it shows I'm at low risk then something is wrong...then everything needs to be retested because as I understand it, I can't be Her2nu positive and be at low risk....or something. So now what? I'll get those 2 tests back in about a week and I'll decide whether I do another lumpectomy with radiation or double mastectomy. Either way I won't do those surgeries until after chemotherapy...

Chemotherapy is apparently necessary because of the positive hormonal status (Her2nu) of my cancer. There is a risk if I don't do chemo (I don't know how great yet, need to talk to an oncologist) that it could come back someday in my liver, lungs, bone or blood. I need to find an Oncologist close to me...my surgeon is in Tampa, so he doesn't know of one close...I really need some recommendations. Apparently the course of chemo is a 12 month process, 6 months of one type and then 6 months of another....I guess during the second part my hair will start to grow back as the drug they use is different. Then surgery and reconstruction.... all in all I'm looking at about 2 years before all is said and done.

My doctor said to prepare myself emotionally (you think?). He told me studies show the emotional journey of having breast cancer is equivalent to losing a child or spouse, it changes you. I think hearing that hit us all very hard. But I have GOD, I am a believer in Jesus Christ and with Him ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE! And that changes everything for those in Christ. I don't have to agree with the "doomsday" emotional diagnosis that was given to me, I have authority in Christ Jesus to be more then an over-comer! With God I cannot only have healing but Joy in the process! Can I get an AMEN? :)

We cannot express all our gratitude for all the prayers, phone calls, cards and emails we've received. God moves on each prayer uttered and heaven and earth change because of our prayers, so thank you! I'm so glad I didn't wait for crisis to hit before I came to know the Lord Jesus Christ personally, He is my salvation and refuge, He is my Strong Tower, my ever present help in times of need.

Stay tuned for upcoming test results, oncologist appointments and more miraculous works of our Mighty God.... "Surely God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid." Isaiah 12:2