The journey continues....this morning Brett (my husband) calls me, "I'm on my way home...", "what, why?"...."They let me go". Hmmm, really? O.K., this is going to make our testimony even AWESOMER!!! (is that a word?) Honestly...it didn't phase me that much at this point, sorta had to laugh. Like Lord, you are sooooo in control, I love you and I can't wait to see where you're going to take us next. He promises to always be with us! His word is true and His love endures forever.
"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8
Then about 1/2 hour later I get a call from my Oncologist. She tells me just got out of a meeting discussing my case with 10 other Oncologists at the center (Moffit). They agree on everything except the recent results of my PET Scan. One of my lymph nodes "lit" up...when something "lights" up on this particular test it indicates cancer. This lymph node could be cancerous or it could be still reacting to my surgery, the doctors were divided about it. Either way they need to know because it will alter my treatment plan. "How could this alter my treatment plan?", "Well if it is cancer then we will have to do 6 rounds of chemo instead of the planned 4." Oh Lord, please let it be not cancer!
I told my doctor my sister was flying in today as she wants to be with me for my 1st treatment..."how soon can you get me in for the biopsy?" "I'll see what I can do." Within a 1/2 hour they had called me to schedule my biopsy on Monday. So hopefully my scheduled 1st treatment will happen without delay.
I went shopping a couple of days of go to look at wigs...they look "wiggy", fake, not me at all. I was pretty discouraged about this, not to mention how expensive they are! A good friend of mine told me about a place in Tampa that has great wigs made out of human hair....expensive, but they look very good. Not sure when I'll be able to go, but I'd sure like to try one on. Do you believe insurance doesn't cover wigs for people going through chemo? It's considered a luxury item....whatever. I don't mind wearing scarf's and plan to most of the time, but I think there is going to be those times when I want to go out in public and not want everyone to know what I'm going through and I'd love to have a wig that I'm comfortable with for those days.
On a VERY positive note...I had my very 1st Jewelry show last night. I have started my own jewelry business through a Christian company called "Premier Designs". I have wanted to do this for a few months now, but when I got my diagnosis I thought..."now's not the time, plate full." Well the Lord kept placing it on my heart and I could not stop thinking about it. I felt like the Lord told me this would be something positive for me to do while I'm going through my treatment; as well as a way I can help my family financially during this time. God was right, shock, surprise...he he. Of course He is....my show was so fun and very successful! I was so touched by the ladies who were able to come and support me in this new venture!!!! I'm even having another "show" tomorrow. This truly has helped me focus on something else besides all the yucky and scary stuff coming up. I love doing this, it was the right decision. Especially now that Brett is out of work, I'm the sole income earner! :)
I'll tell ya, if somebody would have told me in January what our year would be like I would have never believed it!!!! But as a result, my faith has sky rocketed and my love for Jesus is OUT OF CONTROL!!!! I sure hope it's contagious! Being able to see His hand working in big stuff and in the little bitty small stuff is something I would never have wanted to miss out on. The more difficult the situation the more we are refined, the more we will look like Christ. What joy awaits us on the other end, I can hardly wait!!!!
"Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy." Psalm 126:5
Friday, July 29, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Moffit Appointment
Wow...God has got me! We went to Moffit Cancer Center in Tampa today to get a 2nd opinion on my treatment. What a beautiful facility and great experience we had there. I loved the oncologist, she was warm, compassion and very smart! She was "hip" on all the very latest and updated treatment options available. I felt like I was very prepared for this appointment....I have now learned a lot about my condition, the terminology, the treatment, the drugs used...so I felt like I could ask more intelligent questions and she was sure able to answer everything. Just what I needed! She helped me understand the "why chemo?" in all of this better then I had before...so let me share "the why chemo" with you too.
If you've been following my blog you know my breast cancer is "Her2nu positive" and that has been the big deal with my particular situation. Only 20% of breast cancer's are Her2nu positive, 80% are negative! I didn't realize it was so rare! My tumor cells have too much "her2" protein on their surface. This protein makes the tumor able to grow and spread quickly and can make them less likely to respond to some cancer treatments and more likely to recur after treatment! If it reoccurs it comes back in the blood, bone, liver or lungs... so praise GOD for a drug called "herceptin". Herceptin is the antibody for her2nu and has only been used for about 5 years now and has "revolutionized" breast cancer treatment for the her2nu positive cancers. It's the "magic bullet". Before then a her2nu positive cancer prognosis was pretty glum. Scary.
Not only do I have her2nu positive cancer, but I just got some tests results back last week that I'd been waiting on. It was called the Oncotype Dx test. For this test they took the tumor I had removed and ran it through a series of tests to see how likely it was reoccur in my body. My test came back off the chart as "high probability" for recurrence! She told me every year that goes by my risk would go up and up, in 30 years my percentage for this kind of cancer reoccurring in my body was 69-72% if I didn't do herceptin!!!! WOW! So do I need treatment???? The answer is a resounding YES I DO! Thank you Jesus for making that so clear to me....that is what I'd been praying for. I just wasn't putting 2 and 2 together, but now it's all beginning to make sense.
The unfortunate news is that herceptin has only been tested with chemotherapy....trials are currently underway for it's use alone. Five years from now, women may not need the chemotherapy with it's use, but the research is just not there yet. However, 5 years ago if I would have got this diagnosis, herceptin would have still be in clinical trials! So I have to look at the positive and thank God for the research and work that produced herceptin in time for me and all the women who are facing her2nu positive breast cancer. My doctor said the research for breast cancer is moving very fast; they have found that their are many different kinds of breast cancer and each type requires different treatment...no longer can or should they treat breast cancer all the same.
Now here's the good news about my "type". I am also estrogen and progesterone receptor positive. Which means my cancer is hormone driven. So the estrogen and progesterone in my body causes my cancer to grow. I guess this is good news in my case because they can also treat that part of my cancer with a drug called Tamoxifen which is an anti-estrogen therapy and thus taking away what my cancer needs to grow. The unfortunate part of taking that drug is I could go into early menopause...thank you Jesus for my new baby Brooke! I will take that drug for 5 years...yuck, but hey it's saving my life! My cancer is considered a "triple" positive cancer.
In other GREAT news....and this made my day by far....she told me she feels comfortable with giving me only 4 rounds of chemo as oppossed to the standard 6!!!! YES! YES! YES! I was so happy to hear that! I will get 1 treatment every 3 weeks, so I will be done with chemo in 3 months! Now the herceptin will continue for a full year, I get 14 treatments of herceptin. But my hair will start growing back after the chemo part is over! Yeah...and I've heard my hair will grow in thicker when it comes back...YES LORD!
So when will this all begin. Well with Moffit it takes about 2 weeks before they can get me scheduled to get my "port" put in. 2 weeks? and then a week after the port they will begin treatment. 3 weeks? I'm ready to start now and get this over with....now that I know what I have to do. Enter Jesus....got a call this morning Moffit had a cancellation and I will get my port on Friday!!! 2 days instead of 2 weeks.....JESUS. Every step, every step, He hasn't missed a beat! Not one! AWESOME IS OUR GOD!!!!! Can I just share another beautiful thing the Lord did for me?
Most of you know (if you've been reading my blog) how financially hard this has been on us. So some of my "wants" are pretty far down the list! I got some "maternity" pictures taken before Brooke was born and I really wanted to go back to Krystle (the lady who took our pictures) and get some pictures of Brooke and "new" completed family. I didn't even think to pray about this because again it was so far down our list. But God knew it was the desire of my heart. So low and behold...what does the Lord do? Krystle contacts me out of the blue (she's on maternity leave herself none the less!) and says "God put you on my heart this morning and I would like to do a set of pictures for you as a gift." I had no words, just tears. God loves us so much, he cares about every thought, every desire, every detail of our lives more then I think we can possible understand this side of heaven! What good father wouldn't give their children good gifts? We had them taken on Sunday, thank you so very much Krystle Sommers!
Tomorrow morning I go up to Moffit to get my port put in as I mentioned, Tuesday I go back up there for a "Mugga scan" of my heart and "Chemo teaching". Then Tuesday, August 2nd I go for my 1st treatment. My stomach gets butterflies just thinking about it....I'm scared, I am....I don't know how I would do this without my Lord and savior Jesus Christ. He truly is my rock, my fortress, my healer. My sister is coming into town to be with me for my birthday (July 30th) and my 1st treatment. There is something very special about sisters, a bond that is unexplainable. Thank you Jesus, for all you have done, are doing and plan to do to see me through this triumphantly!
Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall.
If you've been following my blog you know my breast cancer is "Her2nu positive" and that has been the big deal with my particular situation. Only 20% of breast cancer's are Her2nu positive, 80% are negative! I didn't realize it was so rare! My tumor cells have too much "her2" protein on their surface. This protein makes the tumor able to grow and spread quickly and can make them less likely to respond to some cancer treatments and more likely to recur after treatment! If it reoccurs it comes back in the blood, bone, liver or lungs... so praise GOD for a drug called "herceptin". Herceptin is the antibody for her2nu and has only been used for about 5 years now and has "revolutionized" breast cancer treatment for the her2nu positive cancers. It's the "magic bullet". Before then a her2nu positive cancer prognosis was pretty glum. Scary.
Not only do I have her2nu positive cancer, but I just got some tests results back last week that I'd been waiting on. It was called the Oncotype Dx test. For this test they took the tumor I had removed and ran it through a series of tests to see how likely it was reoccur in my body. My test came back off the chart as "high probability" for recurrence! She told me every year that goes by my risk would go up and up, in 30 years my percentage for this kind of cancer reoccurring in my body was 69-72% if I didn't do herceptin!!!! WOW! So do I need treatment???? The answer is a resounding YES I DO! Thank you Jesus for making that so clear to me....that is what I'd been praying for. I just wasn't putting 2 and 2 together, but now it's all beginning to make sense.
The unfortunate news is that herceptin has only been tested with chemotherapy....trials are currently underway for it's use alone. Five years from now, women may not need the chemotherapy with it's use, but the research is just not there yet. However, 5 years ago if I would have got this diagnosis, herceptin would have still be in clinical trials! So I have to look at the positive and thank God for the research and work that produced herceptin in time for me and all the women who are facing her2nu positive breast cancer. My doctor said the research for breast cancer is moving very fast; they have found that their are many different kinds of breast cancer and each type requires different treatment...no longer can or should they treat breast cancer all the same.
Now here's the good news about my "type". I am also estrogen and progesterone receptor positive. Which means my cancer is hormone driven. So the estrogen and progesterone in my body causes my cancer to grow. I guess this is good news in my case because they can also treat that part of my cancer with a drug called Tamoxifen which is an anti-estrogen therapy and thus taking away what my cancer needs to grow. The unfortunate part of taking that drug is I could go into early menopause...thank you Jesus for my new baby Brooke! I will take that drug for 5 years...yuck, but hey it's saving my life! My cancer is considered a "triple" positive cancer.
In other GREAT news....and this made my day by far....she told me she feels comfortable with giving me only 4 rounds of chemo as oppossed to the standard 6!!!! YES! YES! YES! I was so happy to hear that! I will get 1 treatment every 3 weeks, so I will be done with chemo in 3 months! Now the herceptin will continue for a full year, I get 14 treatments of herceptin. But my hair will start growing back after the chemo part is over! Yeah...and I've heard my hair will grow in thicker when it comes back...YES LORD!
So when will this all begin. Well with Moffit it takes about 2 weeks before they can get me scheduled to get my "port" put in. 2 weeks? and then a week after the port they will begin treatment. 3 weeks? I'm ready to start now and get this over with....now that I know what I have to do. Enter Jesus....got a call this morning Moffit had a cancellation and I will get my port on Friday!!! 2 days instead of 2 weeks.....JESUS. Every step, every step, He hasn't missed a beat! Not one! AWESOME IS OUR GOD!!!!! Can I just share another beautiful thing the Lord did for me?
Most of you know (if you've been reading my blog) how financially hard this has been on us. So some of my "wants" are pretty far down the list! I got some "maternity" pictures taken before Brooke was born and I really wanted to go back to Krystle (the lady who took our pictures) and get some pictures of Brooke and "new" completed family. I didn't even think to pray about this because again it was so far down our list. But God knew it was the desire of my heart. So low and behold...what does the Lord do? Krystle contacts me out of the blue (she's on maternity leave herself none the less!) and says "God put you on my heart this morning and I would like to do a set of pictures for you as a gift." I had no words, just tears. God loves us so much, he cares about every thought, every desire, every detail of our lives more then I think we can possible understand this side of heaven! What good father wouldn't give their children good gifts? We had them taken on Sunday, thank you so very much Krystle Sommers!
Tomorrow morning I go up to Moffit to get my port put in as I mentioned, Tuesday I go back up there for a "Mugga scan" of my heart and "Chemo teaching". Then Tuesday, August 2nd I go for my 1st treatment. My stomach gets butterflies just thinking about it....I'm scared, I am....I don't know how I would do this without my Lord and savior Jesus Christ. He truly is my rock, my fortress, my healer. My sister is coming into town to be with me for my birthday (July 30th) and my 1st treatment. There is something very special about sisters, a bond that is unexplainable. Thank you Jesus, for all you have done, are doing and plan to do to see me through this triumphantly!
Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Do the Chemo???
O.K. so here's the update. I've been praying for God to lead me to a peace regarding my treatment. The medical doctors have a standard 12 month treatment plan for Her2nu positive breast cancer which includes chemo and this new drug "Herceptin". Well, I just didn't like it, I feel like I want a doctor to treat me more "individualized" recognizing my history with anxiety and depression as well as having a newborn in the home and a 5 year old entering the public school system in August.
I began doing a tremendous amount of research on healing cancer through diet/exercise and supplements. This is becoming more and more acceptable and recognized as a very valid and effective treatment for not only cancer but many illnesses. I believe if we followed God's original plan for us as far as what we are supposed to eat, cancer would pretty much be non-existent in our society. I also believe our bodies can heal themselves given proper nutrition. Although the "broccoli" companies don't have the research nor the funding to prove this like the "drug" companies do, so it's not widely accepted by Western Medical Doctors. Well, I had to investigate this for myself.
My question has always been, will this work with Her2nu positive cancer. A genetic mutation. That seems to be the "Big Deal" for my particular cancer. It is considered the most aggressive form and "very serious"....that was until a drug called "Herceptin" came into the picture about 7 years ago. Apparently Herceptin has revolutionized her2nu positive breast cancer and is considered the "antidote" or "magic bullet". Problem is...it's only been tested with chemotherapy, they're still in clinical trials for it's use alone.
After a lot or prayer, research and recommendations I went to see a well-known Doctor by the name of Dr. Don Colbert who is an MD but has moved into holistic care for all types of illnesses and diseases including cancer. He was recommended to me by my pastor's wife who went to him for her cancer. She opted this route instead of doing the recommended chemotherapy and is now doing wonderful and is completely cancer free. Dr. Colbert has all kinds of testimonies just like this and he is a Christian. He's written over 56 books and I didn't even know this until I arrived at his office, but I had a couple of his books at home! Wow...cool. I even found out he's treated Joyce Meyer for over 11 years. (If you don't know who that is...she is a very well known in the Christian community and has a huge ministry). So, my point is he's got lots of accolades. I was so incredibility hopeful and grateful to be able to see this doctor. Insurance doesn't cover him and he is very expensive to see. I prayed about it a lot and our whole family felt it was definitely worth while...especially if I could avoid chemotherapy! Thanks to my parents, our Church and it's generous members and staff who helped us make this appointment happen. Jesus uses people...and I'm grateful for those who have been and are being so obedient to His call to help us! Thank you Mom and Dad and Bayside Community Church! That just had to be said!!!
O.K....now for my appointment. "Wow" he says. I don't think I've ever seen somebody with so much stress happening all at once. (meaning getting diagnosed with breast cancer only months after having a baby and suffering severe post-pardom depression and anxiety all the while your husband was out of work until about a month ago). Well, I said...."yes, but God has revealed himself to me in such a personal and profound way, that had this not have happened, I would not have got to watch him work the way he has, It's BEEN AWESOME!" I'm so serious...I will probably end up writing a book about every way God has moved on my behalf during this time, I couldn't begin to write it all here, but I will add bits and pieces as I can and feel God calls me too. I've learned sometimes God does stuff that is just between me and Him.
I fully went to this appointment expecting God to give me a peace one way or the other. I have to tell you I honestly thought this doctor would tell me he could help me w/o chemo....like he did my pastor's wife and another member of our church who went to him with cancer and was healed w/o chemo too. He looks through me tests....reviews everything.....everything. Looks me in the eye and says, "Do the chemo."
"Whhhhhat?"...I'm thinking that's not what I was expecting him to say!!!! He is awesome at treating cancer w/o chemo...why not me? He further explains," if you had stage 4 cancer, I'd tell you NOT to do it...you'd have a better chance with me, but you are stage 1 and what "western medicine" has to offer you is a 95% cure rate. You are young and you have your whole life ahead of you with 2 young children....you do the chemo. Her2nu, is VERY serious, it's very aggressive. It's a miracle your tumor didn't grow not only for a whole year, but during a pregnancy!" "Yes, I know, God protected me during this time.", "He sure did!" he replied. I could help you but it would take more energy then you have and require more of you then you can give. Basically you'd have to eat raw vegetables the rest of your life, not many people can do this and stick with it". Your life would depend on it and with 2 young kids that kind of lifestyle would be so incredibly difficult. You have young kids, your gonna want to have a "popsicle" every now and then, maybe a pizza once in a while. The life style you'd have to live is just not "do-able" for someone like you.....now again if you were stage 4 it'd be different because "western medicine" can't offer you a lot of hope, but you are stage 1, totally curable...you do it, this is very serious having her2nu." "but, but, but you treated my pastor's wife and this other friend of ours and they are doing great." "They didn't have Her2nu positive cancer either, that is very serious, very aggressive, you do the chemo!"
Whoa....wow, ok, not what I was expecting to hear or of course wanting to hear. But God was faithful, I wanted an answer and I got one. God is so good, He is so good. I cried...yes, we actually prayed with one of his nurses in his office, IT WAS SO AWESOME!!! The Holy Spirit was in that room and I knew what I had to do and I knew and I know that God is going to see me through was I am about to embark on. And as if that wasn't enough God wanted to confirm it even more for me. The next morning after my appointment I get a call from my Oncologist, (not his nurse or staff), from the actual doctor. (note, I had NOT called him after my appointment 3 weeks ago, his staff had called me to re-schedule, but I had not returned their phone calls because I wanted to go to this other doctor and wasn't sure what I was going to do). I'm like, Lord, I hear ya !!!!! He wanted to know what was going on with me and was concerned. I told him about the doctor I had just saw and he was totally understanding and felt I did the right thing.
He also said after I left his office he was thinking about me and my cancer and reviewing my labs and he just feels it's so rare for me to have this so young that he thought it would be a good idea to have a PET scan. So he gave me the number to the lady at his office who schedules these. Before I could call her, she calls me! She says Dr. Whorf wants you to have a PET scan and I just got a cancellation for Monday! Wow, Lord you sure have my back!
I don't want to do it, I don't. But I look at my boy, my sweet Brady James and then I look into my daughter's eyes and hold her close, smell her, watch her smile at me....and tears roll down my eyes because there is nothing I wouldn't do for them and this is for them. I still don't know that I go through it if it wasn't for them, honestly....but they change everything, absolutely everything. Brady told me the other night at dinner that when he see's me he "just wants to hug and kiss me" and then he gave me a big hug and kissed me repetitively on my hand. Seriously, seriously....I about lost it right there at Red Lobster.
So, They want to proceed with chemotherapy....yesterday! I'm going to Moffit on Tuesday to get a second "western medicine" opinion, but I'm prepared for what they will say, I just want the best in the cancer business to concur with the doctor I'm seeing here. I tentatively plan to start chemo Wednesday. I plan to do an integrative approach as much as possible to help myself recover quicker from the effects of chemotherapy. Dr. Colbert did recommend many supplements I plan to take during my treatment.
Please pray for me, for strength to walk in that door, strength to sit down in that chair and not run away. I pray for God's peace that surpasses all understanding to fall on me as I read my Bible and put my trust in Jesus. Strength to smile and not cry...to remember why I am doing this. "There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning." a verse from one of my favorite songs at Church. I say yes to that! There will be joy on the other end of this...my God has promised me that!
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
I began doing a tremendous amount of research on healing cancer through diet/exercise and supplements. This is becoming more and more acceptable and recognized as a very valid and effective treatment for not only cancer but many illnesses. I believe if we followed God's original plan for us as far as what we are supposed to eat, cancer would pretty much be non-existent in our society. I also believe our bodies can heal themselves given proper nutrition. Although the "broccoli" companies don't have the research nor the funding to prove this like the "drug" companies do, so it's not widely accepted by Western Medical Doctors. Well, I had to investigate this for myself.
My question has always been, will this work with Her2nu positive cancer. A genetic mutation. That seems to be the "Big Deal" for my particular cancer. It is considered the most aggressive form and "very serious"....that was until a drug called "Herceptin" came into the picture about 7 years ago. Apparently Herceptin has revolutionized her2nu positive breast cancer and is considered the "antidote" or "magic bullet". Problem is...it's only been tested with chemotherapy, they're still in clinical trials for it's use alone.
After a lot or prayer, research and recommendations I went to see a well-known Doctor by the name of Dr. Don Colbert who is an MD but has moved into holistic care for all types of illnesses and diseases including cancer. He was recommended to me by my pastor's wife who went to him for her cancer. She opted this route instead of doing the recommended chemotherapy and is now doing wonderful and is completely cancer free. Dr. Colbert has all kinds of testimonies just like this and he is a Christian. He's written over 56 books and I didn't even know this until I arrived at his office, but I had a couple of his books at home! Wow...cool. I even found out he's treated Joyce Meyer for over 11 years. (If you don't know who that is...she is a very well known in the Christian community and has a huge ministry). So, my point is he's got lots of accolades. I was so incredibility hopeful and grateful to be able to see this doctor. Insurance doesn't cover him and he is very expensive to see. I prayed about it a lot and our whole family felt it was definitely worth while...especially if I could avoid chemotherapy! Thanks to my parents, our Church and it's generous members and staff who helped us make this appointment happen. Jesus uses people...and I'm grateful for those who have been and are being so obedient to His call to help us! Thank you Mom and Dad and Bayside Community Church! That just had to be said!!!
O.K....now for my appointment. "Wow" he says. I don't think I've ever seen somebody with so much stress happening all at once. (meaning getting diagnosed with breast cancer only months after having a baby and suffering severe post-pardom depression and anxiety all the while your husband was out of work until about a month ago). Well, I said...."yes, but God has revealed himself to me in such a personal and profound way, that had this not have happened, I would not have got to watch him work the way he has, It's BEEN AWESOME!" I'm so serious...I will probably end up writing a book about every way God has moved on my behalf during this time, I couldn't begin to write it all here, but I will add bits and pieces as I can and feel God calls me too. I've learned sometimes God does stuff that is just between me and Him.
I fully went to this appointment expecting God to give me a peace one way or the other. I have to tell you I honestly thought this doctor would tell me he could help me w/o chemo....like he did my pastor's wife and another member of our church who went to him with cancer and was healed w/o chemo too. He looks through me tests....reviews everything.....everything. Looks me in the eye and says, "Do the chemo."
"Whhhhhat?"...I'm thinking that's not what I was expecting him to say!!!! He is awesome at treating cancer w/o chemo...why not me? He further explains," if you had stage 4 cancer, I'd tell you NOT to do it...you'd have a better chance with me, but you are stage 1 and what "western medicine" has to offer you is a 95% cure rate. You are young and you have your whole life ahead of you with 2 young children....you do the chemo. Her2nu, is VERY serious, it's very aggressive. It's a miracle your tumor didn't grow not only for a whole year, but during a pregnancy!" "Yes, I know, God protected me during this time.", "He sure did!" he replied. I could help you but it would take more energy then you have and require more of you then you can give. Basically you'd have to eat raw vegetables the rest of your life, not many people can do this and stick with it". Your life would depend on it and with 2 young kids that kind of lifestyle would be so incredibly difficult. You have young kids, your gonna want to have a "popsicle" every now and then, maybe a pizza once in a while. The life style you'd have to live is just not "do-able" for someone like you.....now again if you were stage 4 it'd be different because "western medicine" can't offer you a lot of hope, but you are stage 1, totally curable...you do it, this is very serious having her2nu." "but, but, but you treated my pastor's wife and this other friend of ours and they are doing great." "They didn't have Her2nu positive cancer either, that is very serious, very aggressive, you do the chemo!"
Whoa....wow, ok, not what I was expecting to hear or of course wanting to hear. But God was faithful, I wanted an answer and I got one. God is so good, He is so good. I cried...yes, we actually prayed with one of his nurses in his office, IT WAS SO AWESOME!!! The Holy Spirit was in that room and I knew what I had to do and I knew and I know that God is going to see me through was I am about to embark on. And as if that wasn't enough God wanted to confirm it even more for me. The next morning after my appointment I get a call from my Oncologist, (not his nurse or staff), from the actual doctor. (note, I had NOT called him after my appointment 3 weeks ago, his staff had called me to re-schedule, but I had not returned their phone calls because I wanted to go to this other doctor and wasn't sure what I was going to do). I'm like, Lord, I hear ya !!!!! He wanted to know what was going on with me and was concerned. I told him about the doctor I had just saw and he was totally understanding and felt I did the right thing.
He also said after I left his office he was thinking about me and my cancer and reviewing my labs and he just feels it's so rare for me to have this so young that he thought it would be a good idea to have a PET scan. So he gave me the number to the lady at his office who schedules these. Before I could call her, she calls me! She says Dr. Whorf wants you to have a PET scan and I just got a cancellation for Monday! Wow, Lord you sure have my back!
I don't want to do it, I don't. But I look at my boy, my sweet Brady James and then I look into my daughter's eyes and hold her close, smell her, watch her smile at me....and tears roll down my eyes because there is nothing I wouldn't do for them and this is for them. I still don't know that I go through it if it wasn't for them, honestly....but they change everything, absolutely everything. Brady told me the other night at dinner that when he see's me he "just wants to hug and kiss me" and then he gave me a big hug and kissed me repetitively on my hand. Seriously, seriously....I about lost it right there at Red Lobster.
So, They want to proceed with chemotherapy....yesterday! I'm going to Moffit on Tuesday to get a second "western medicine" opinion, but I'm prepared for what they will say, I just want the best in the cancer business to concur with the doctor I'm seeing here. I tentatively plan to start chemo Wednesday. I plan to do an integrative approach as much as possible to help myself recover quicker from the effects of chemotherapy. Dr. Colbert did recommend many supplements I plan to take during my treatment.
Please pray for me, for strength to walk in that door, strength to sit down in that chair and not run away. I pray for God's peace that surpasses all understanding to fall on me as I read my Bible and put my trust in Jesus. Strength to smile and not cry...to remember why I am doing this. "There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning." a verse from one of my favorite songs at Church. I say yes to that! There will be joy on the other end of this...my God has promised me that!
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
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