(written Dec. 15, 2011)
Today was a huge day for me and my family. Today I completed the toughest parts of this cancer treatment....radiation and chemotherapy. Those words are now a thing of the past. Now for healing....I await anxiously. Radiation scared me, chemotherapy scared me, cancer scared me....but I am reminding that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".
Radiation is a very different journey then chemo, both journey's are difficult and come with emotional and physical baggage. Radiation is daily (except weekends)...I had 33 treatments...it took me 7 weeks. It's really a journey you go on alone...this one was just me and the Lord. The machine is kinda intimidating, you just don't know what to expect and honestly I didn't want too much advice, it tends to put things in my mind that I don't want or need there. People who have been through it tend to want to "rehash" their war stories with you, ...which needs to fall on ears that aren't about to go through it too! I found the less I know the better I am.
My doctor told me this would probably be a breeze compared to chemotherapy....now that it's over, I would disagree. Both were trying in their own ways. The effects of radiation hurt. The burn I got really hurt, but even more then that was the fatigue. For me....I hated that part the most. With 2 little ones, a hubby, a business, a messy home....I felt overwhelmed by the fatigue and inability to preform everyday responsibilities. I had to manage my energy like I've never done before. I only had a couple hours of effective energy each day....yet endless hours of work to be done....how do I choose? What is most critical? The frustration was enormous. Thank God He already knew all this would happen and gave me the gift of a mother who lives so close and is so willing to help! Lots of things got put aside during this time but it was manageable only because my mom was by my side every step of the way. Helping with the kids....(which is a 24/7 job all by itself)...grocery shopping, endless errands, moral support. She is such a blessing to everyone around her, especially her kids and grand kids. Thank you for everything mom.
Jan. 15, 2012 What a lesson I learned and am still learning about what is important. Many times friends or neighbors would stop by when things were in shambles....I had to learn to say "oh well" and give it NO more thought. Nobody could understand except those who've been there too and God. If I was going to be judged so be it. I can't control that, I must keep my energy in tact for the things I CAN control. Sometimes I felt myself slip and begin to throw a pity party....then I'd just give it to God. Not easy, but totally necessary. One thing I know about myself is I am a champion at beating up on myself and I'm totally sick of it, nothing good has ever come out of doing that! And most of the time it's just lies the enemy is trying to bombard me with. I have to stand on the word of God, that is my compass, that is what is really true about me and who I am in Christ. That's an easy thing for Christians to say...doing it....well for me anyway is taking me going through this process. Genuinely letting go of what "others" think....genuinely.
This has been a very lonely time, I have definitely been in the desert...wandering around, wondering when I would find water.....what I'm beginning to realize is there is always water, it's just whether or not we choose to see it. I've allowed myself to be blind to it. Unless things were going just my way I'd be miserable...cancer has taught me what it is to be in plenty even when things look and feel miserable. I can see the"water" if I choose to do so. Slowly I am choosing it, but it's a daily choice, hourly in fact especially in the beginning.
After radiation I didn't immediately "feel better"...what??? I thought I'd feel better, I thought I feel a sense of relief! It didn't happen the way I thought. I felt really bad actually. So tired. Exhausted in fact. Depressed, anxious...what is going on here????? "click", light bulb moment.....cancer doesn't just end one day, there will be to come and are many consequences of this disease....starting with the effects of the treatment for cancer. Never occurred to me! I was so busy thinking of getting through the treatment and never once put thought to "recovery" and what that would be like! My body has to recover from this and that isn't going to happen overnight....totally revelation as odd as it may seem, it really was. My body was hurt, physically and emotionally....I expected to wake up one day and this would be over. I've learned it doesn't work like that. There's still a long road to go. In my own strength I certainly would have given up by now, but THANKS be to God's amazing grace....in His strength I find myself having hope, claiming a future for myself and my family. Seeing His work through this and standing on it is such a beautiful thing to behold.
Psalm 112:4 Light arises in the darkness for the upright (Christ children's); He is gracious, and full of compassion, and righteous.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Monday, October 24, 2011
Ouch...
Cancer....I weep. I can't help it....round 4 hit me hard. I went into chemotherapy with an "let's get this over with quick kind of attitude"..like pulling off a band-aid (maybe it won't hurt too much if I do it quick, distract myself and don't think too much about it) I was able to do that for awhile, but God in His sovereignty knows best. He may not be able to accomplish in me what He has planned if I don't experience some hurt. How would I ever empathize with others or be able to do whatever God has planned for me if this was an easy road....What the enemy means for bad, God always turns into good and unfortunately pain is catalyst for change. Romans 5:3 "..we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." What if everything was always easy? God cares about our character, who we are becoming...His goal is to make us look more like Christ each day, how can He do that if everything is great all of the time?
I hurt right now...I've felt like I've been hit with a truck. My body said "done" today. My mind is ready to go, but my body is experiencing the effects of all the medicines, the emotions, the shock. Sometimes I still can't believe I am dealing with cancer...seriously, the diagnosis of cancer takes a long time to "set in." The emotional part of cancer is equally draining to the treatment part.
You know, I haven't slowed down since I've found out....I've been so gung-ho! I can do this, I can do this, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me....and I have...but God is showing me that strength sometimes doesn't mean running around like crazy when you need to rest. I hate resting there is too much to do, but I'm learning it's important. I'm learning I really am totally weak and vulnerable without Christ. I'm so unbelievable dependent on Him. My body is really flesh indeed. I took a break from life today and was shown a lot by the Lord. I took a break from my baby, from my kindergartener, from bottles & pacifiers, from financial concerns, from the jewelry business, from cleaning, from organizing....from trying to "have it all together"....really I had no choice, my body wouldn't let me do those things....and here it is. I'm human, I'm weak, I'm not going to do it all right all the time, not everybody is going to like me and I have to be ok with that, I have to let go. I think that's what God is telling me. I am constantly plagued by guilt feelings of ..."I didn't send a thank-you note, I didn't call this person or that person back, I forgot to say,...."happy birthday, or oh no I forgot their birthday all together!"....and stop and say I'm doing the best I can and as long as I'm pleasing God, that is what matters. But to say that and to it I'm finding are totally different. God is showing me right now in my weakness, I have to do it....my family can't afford for me to be worrying about anything but getting better. That's what I learned today.
So let me say right now, I am thankful if you have done something for me or my family we are so grateful but you may not get a thank-you card in the mail, :) I've been so afraid of "what others will think!", "how rude I am, or ungrateful or something", but truth is, I am only one person and I've put wayyyyy to much pressure on myself to do it right all the time, especially right now.
I have such an increased compassion for those who are ill, have cancer or any disease where they are suffering, mentally and physically. I really believe until you go through it - you cannot fully understand. It's like having children, you don't really understand until you are a parent yourself. No amount of money, fame, fortune means anything if you don't have your health....I never gave it too much of a thought before now. Now, I'm just sooooo happy my prognosis is so good, I can look at my situation and see an end in sight...so many others don't even have that. I pray for those who are suffering too, especially those with a worse diagnosis or longer treatment time or whatever the case.
You'd think after this I might become a poster girl for breast cancer after this is all over....raising awareness...money, etc...and maybe God will call me to that, but I want to be a poster girl for mental illness too. It's true...when I went through postpartum depression and anxiety after having Brooke, the suffering was well...different from this (cancer) but maybe even worse....I couldn't function, I couldn't leave the house, I felt totally trapped. It was terrible. I didn't have a "time-line" as to when it would be over...there was no doctor telling me 4 rounds of chemo, 6 weeks of radiation, 1 year of herceptin and it will be over...no, no, there was a darkness there that only people who've experienced mental anguish will understand. There are no marathons for depression, anxiety, bi-polar....not a lot of attention, but the suffering is very real. I've gotten so much attention for having "cancer"...but nobody really even knew what I was going through after Brooke was born, except those very close to me....I needed help during that time and not a lot of people could relate....unfortunately a lot of people have related to me having cancer...don't get me wrong cancer stinks too...but there are people out there truly suffering with mental disorders and not a lot of compassion or understanding from the public like I think there should be. Some people still think you should just snap out of it or get some "fresh" air.
I wrote this blog a few days after round 4 of chemo....about 3 weeks ago now and never finished it or posted it until now...I'm doing better and finally recovering from the effects of that last round of chemo. I'm so incredibly happy I'm not facing another round of chemotherapy this upcoming Tuesday (as would have been the case if the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes)...again so much compassion for others who are or who have endured far worse then me. Went to my 1st radiation oncologist appointment this week...the doctor wants to start right away....ahhhhhh, I was really hoping for a longer break between chemo and radiation. I hate the thought of radiation just as I did chemotherapy, nothing about this is fun. I feel like the more the enemy comes against me, the more destined I must be to do great things for God!!! That is exciting for me to think about. I'm just going to keep clinging to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and I'm going to be better then I was before....Jeramiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, "declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
I hurt right now...I've felt like I've been hit with a truck. My body said "done" today. My mind is ready to go, but my body is experiencing the effects of all the medicines, the emotions, the shock. Sometimes I still can't believe I am dealing with cancer...seriously, the diagnosis of cancer takes a long time to "set in." The emotional part of cancer is equally draining to the treatment part.
You know, I haven't slowed down since I've found out....I've been so gung-ho! I can do this, I can do this, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me....and I have...but God is showing me that strength sometimes doesn't mean running around like crazy when you need to rest. I hate resting there is too much to do, but I'm learning it's important. I'm learning I really am totally weak and vulnerable without Christ. I'm so unbelievable dependent on Him. My body is really flesh indeed. I took a break from life today and was shown a lot by the Lord. I took a break from my baby, from my kindergartener, from bottles & pacifiers, from financial concerns, from the jewelry business, from cleaning, from organizing....from trying to "have it all together"....really I had no choice, my body wouldn't let me do those things....and here it is. I'm human, I'm weak, I'm not going to do it all right all the time, not everybody is going to like me and I have to be ok with that, I have to let go. I think that's what God is telling me. I am constantly plagued by guilt feelings of ..."I didn't send a thank-you note, I didn't call this person or that person back, I forgot to say,...."happy birthday, or oh no I forgot their birthday all together!"....and stop and say I'm doing the best I can and as long as I'm pleasing God, that is what matters. But to say that and to it I'm finding are totally different. God is showing me right now in my weakness, I have to do it....my family can't afford for me to be worrying about anything but getting better. That's what I learned today.
So let me say right now, I am thankful if you have done something for me or my family we are so grateful but you may not get a thank-you card in the mail, :) I've been so afraid of "what others will think!", "how rude I am, or ungrateful or something", but truth is, I am only one person and I've put wayyyyy to much pressure on myself to do it right all the time, especially right now.
I have such an increased compassion for those who are ill, have cancer or any disease where they are suffering, mentally and physically. I really believe until you go through it - you cannot fully understand. It's like having children, you don't really understand until you are a parent yourself. No amount of money, fame, fortune means anything if you don't have your health....I never gave it too much of a thought before now. Now, I'm just sooooo happy my prognosis is so good, I can look at my situation and see an end in sight...so many others don't even have that. I pray for those who are suffering too, especially those with a worse diagnosis or longer treatment time or whatever the case.
You'd think after this I might become a poster girl for breast cancer after this is all over....raising awareness...money, etc...and maybe God will call me to that, but I want to be a poster girl for mental illness too. It's true...when I went through postpartum depression and anxiety after having Brooke, the suffering was well...different from this (cancer) but maybe even worse....I couldn't function, I couldn't leave the house, I felt totally trapped. It was terrible. I didn't have a "time-line" as to when it would be over...there was no doctor telling me 4 rounds of chemo, 6 weeks of radiation, 1 year of herceptin and it will be over...no, no, there was a darkness there that only people who've experienced mental anguish will understand. There are no marathons for depression, anxiety, bi-polar....not a lot of attention, but the suffering is very real. I've gotten so much attention for having "cancer"...but nobody really even knew what I was going through after Brooke was born, except those very close to me....I needed help during that time and not a lot of people could relate....unfortunately a lot of people have related to me having cancer...don't get me wrong cancer stinks too...but there are people out there truly suffering with mental disorders and not a lot of compassion or understanding from the public like I think there should be. Some people still think you should just snap out of it or get some "fresh" air.
I wrote this blog a few days after round 4 of chemo....about 3 weeks ago now and never finished it or posted it until now...I'm doing better and finally recovering from the effects of that last round of chemo. I'm so incredibly happy I'm not facing another round of chemotherapy this upcoming Tuesday (as would have been the case if the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes)...again so much compassion for others who are or who have endured far worse then me. Went to my 1st radiation oncologist appointment this week...the doctor wants to start right away....ahhhhhh, I was really hoping for a longer break between chemo and radiation. I hate the thought of radiation just as I did chemotherapy, nothing about this is fun. I feel like the more the enemy comes against me, the more destined I must be to do great things for God!!! That is exciting for me to think about. I'm just going to keep clinging to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and I'm going to be better then I was before....Jeramiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, "declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Round 3...still standing strong.
Ding ding ding, Round 3. God is so good, so, so, so good. I came down with a cold about 3 days ago and was so worried it was going to prolong this 3rd treatment. I prayed and God answered and here I am sitting in "the chair". Who is grateful for sitting in a chemotherapy chair? God has showed me how to be! I really am grateful that I'm well enough to have the chemo today. It is such a blessing because it is very important I stay on schedule with these treatments, something to do with the cell cycle. The chemo works the best if I keep my scheduled treatments on-time.
The day before I have a treatment has a tendency to be emotional for me...also before this one (yesterday) I went to the "look good, feel better" program sponsored by the American Cancer Society....I didn't think I looked good or felt better afterwards honestly. I guess I just wasn't in the mood for it or something, maybe it was the "reminder" of what I'm going through, I don't know, I wasn't "feeling" it!!! It was nice to get some free make-up and I'm grateful for that. All the ladies there were going through chemotherapy too and were sportin' there baldness....I wore my wig and wish I hadn't because then I felt weird taking it off, so I didn't take it off, then I felt weird that I didn't take it off.....hard to explain. I just wanted to run away to whole time. Which is so unlike me, I didn't feel like myself at all. Normally I would have wanted to love on the ladies, Glorified God, talked more & been open....but yesterday I felt like hiding instead.
Been feeling really well for the most part....I know it's answered prayer, God loves me so much, I feel it to my very core. I've been doing my normal everyday activities and running my new jewelry business. Definitely couldn't be functioning without my hubby or parents and their help on a daily, hourly and minute by minute basis. God knows what we need and He provides, every time. Having minor stuff really, teary eyes, some tastelessness, dry mouth, skin,etc... I tire a little more easily (course I need to slow down and rest more I'm sure) Definitely experiencing "chemo brain", that part is very frustrating...I have trouble thinking and my thoughts are gone a lot quicker then normal....my poor husband! :) Sometimes even putting words together is hard....I really hope that gets better right away after treatment is over.
Our Church has provided us so much help, the people in our Church are truly are the hands and feet of Christ. Financial support, meals, prayers, phone calls, emails, you name it they are there for us! Brett and I are forever changed, we are so humbled.....We can't wait until it's our turn to "pay-it-forward". Our neighborhood even threw us a garage sale and everybody donated and gave all the proceeds to us! How awesome is that???? Brett is still looking for work, so please keep praying for him too. Brooke just had her 6 month check up and everything looked GREAT! More praises to the Lord!!!! Brady is doing wonderful at kindergarten...I can't believe how much he's learned in only 3 weeks!!!! It's so awesome, more praise!!! (Plus he lost his very 1st tooth a couple days ago!) ;(
My sister and her husband are coming for my last treatment in 3 weeks....I'm going to be so excited when that last treatment is over!!! I'm still praying about what's next....double mastectomy or radiation. I would love some advice from those of you who have been through it. Radiation seems like a better option for me as far as getting on with life quicker. With the mastectomy I wouldn't be able to lift my baby for weeks, maybe months, which means somebody would have to help me take care of her 24/7. That doesn't seem too manageable, but like everything else if it's what God wants me to do He will provide a way. I don't even need to worry about it. Philippians 4:6 "My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus."
It's amazing how something like this changes you. I love God more now then ever, and I loved Him a lot before all this!!! Our relationship has been so intimate, watching Him care for me, every detail. The provision, the increased love in my heart and in the heart of my family. The way I worship, the way I pray, the way I sympathize with others, the way I feel about myself, the way little stuff is all gone! Truly God is breaking off chains in my life, even some I didn't know were there! This is all being used for His Glory....which was my heart from the beginning and He's accomplishing it. What a honor to be allowed to be used that way by God.
I was also recently honored to be asked by my sponsor in Premier Designs (my new jewelry business) to give my testimony to the ladies at a training we're having in October. I have no idea what I am going to say, but I'm asking God, He will tell me what He wants me to say and that's my desire, the be His servant, for Him to use my lips for His Glory. I can hardly wait, what an opportunity that is!
Right now I'm sitting next a 49 year old man Keith who has 2 tumors behind his eye, had radiation and lost sight in that eye and is going through 10 rounds and chemo and then probably more after his next Scan....wow, God is always reminding me how blessed I am, how good I have it. Have had a wonderful conversation with his wife Norma today, we'll have pray together before I go.....Well 15 minutes left. Going to get up and get out of here! :)
Psalm 119:50 "This is my comfort in my affliction, for Your word has given me life."
John 8:36 "If the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed!"
Cancer ain't got nothing on me because of CHRIST!!! I love You Lord.
The day before I have a treatment has a tendency to be emotional for me...also before this one (yesterday) I went to the "look good, feel better" program sponsored by the American Cancer Society....I didn't think I looked good or felt better afterwards honestly. I guess I just wasn't in the mood for it or something, maybe it was the "reminder" of what I'm going through, I don't know, I wasn't "feeling" it!!! It was nice to get some free make-up and I'm grateful for that. All the ladies there were going through chemotherapy too and were sportin' there baldness....I wore my wig and wish I hadn't because then I felt weird taking it off, so I didn't take it off, then I felt weird that I didn't take it off.....hard to explain. I just wanted to run away to whole time. Which is so unlike me, I didn't feel like myself at all. Normally I would have wanted to love on the ladies, Glorified God, talked more & been open....but yesterday I felt like hiding instead.
Been feeling really well for the most part....I know it's answered prayer, God loves me so much, I feel it to my very core. I've been doing my normal everyday activities and running my new jewelry business. Definitely couldn't be functioning without my hubby or parents and their help on a daily, hourly and minute by minute basis. God knows what we need and He provides, every time. Having minor stuff really, teary eyes, some tastelessness, dry mouth, skin,etc... I tire a little more easily (course I need to slow down and rest more I'm sure) Definitely experiencing "chemo brain", that part is very frustrating...I have trouble thinking and my thoughts are gone a lot quicker then normal....my poor husband! :) Sometimes even putting words together is hard....I really hope that gets better right away after treatment is over.
Our Church has provided us so much help, the people in our Church are truly are the hands and feet of Christ. Financial support, meals, prayers, phone calls, emails, you name it they are there for us! Brett and I are forever changed, we are so humbled.....We can't wait until it's our turn to "pay-it-forward". Our neighborhood even threw us a garage sale and everybody donated and gave all the proceeds to us! How awesome is that???? Brett is still looking for work, so please keep praying for him too. Brooke just had her 6 month check up and everything looked GREAT! More praises to the Lord!!!! Brady is doing wonderful at kindergarten...I can't believe how much he's learned in only 3 weeks!!!! It's so awesome, more praise!!! (Plus he lost his very 1st tooth a couple days ago!) ;(
My sister and her husband are coming for my last treatment in 3 weeks....I'm going to be so excited when that last treatment is over!!! I'm still praying about what's next....double mastectomy or radiation. I would love some advice from those of you who have been through it. Radiation seems like a better option for me as far as getting on with life quicker. With the mastectomy I wouldn't be able to lift my baby for weeks, maybe months, which means somebody would have to help me take care of her 24/7. That doesn't seem too manageable, but like everything else if it's what God wants me to do He will provide a way. I don't even need to worry about it. Philippians 4:6 "My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus."
It's amazing how something like this changes you. I love God more now then ever, and I loved Him a lot before all this!!! Our relationship has been so intimate, watching Him care for me, every detail. The provision, the increased love in my heart and in the heart of my family. The way I worship, the way I pray, the way I sympathize with others, the way I feel about myself, the way little stuff is all gone! Truly God is breaking off chains in my life, even some I didn't know were there! This is all being used for His Glory....which was my heart from the beginning and He's accomplishing it. What a honor to be allowed to be used that way by God.
I was also recently honored to be asked by my sponsor in Premier Designs (my new jewelry business) to give my testimony to the ladies at a training we're having in October. I have no idea what I am going to say, but I'm asking God, He will tell me what He wants me to say and that's my desire, the be His servant, for Him to use my lips for His Glory. I can hardly wait, what an opportunity that is!
Right now I'm sitting next a 49 year old man Keith who has 2 tumors behind his eye, had radiation and lost sight in that eye and is going through 10 rounds and chemo and then probably more after his next Scan....wow, God is always reminding me how blessed I am, how good I have it. Have had a wonderful conversation with his wife Norma today, we'll have pray together before I go.....Well 15 minutes left. Going to get up and get out of here! :)
Psalm 119:50 "This is my comfort in my affliction, for Your word has given me life."
John 8:36 "If the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed!"
Cancer ain't got nothing on me because of CHRIST!!! I love You Lord.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Round 2
Round 2...sitting in chair receiving my 2nd treatment. Life's been going so fast since my last...I hadn't really processed until last night when I found myself sobbing in bed about going into today that it was actually here again. The tears did have something to do with my baby starting kindergarten yesterday as well, that was very difficult. He did well though, he told me it seemed like he was there long time, that made me feel so sad...but I know God is answering my prayers for him and as unimaginable as it seems....God cares for Brady even more then me! What a comfort! "Cast all your cares upon Him; for He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7
I started losing my hair about 4 days ago...saw some hairs on my pillow then after my shower quite a bit came out. Even though you know "it's coming" it is still a hard one to swallow. Since that day, the loss is coming quicker and quicker it seems. I had my head shaved a few days ago, it kinda worried Brady at first but then once he saw me he was o.k. with it. I was so happy to see my head was pretty nicely shaped! No bumps or lumps...but still a buzz cut for me...not my look :). I have some really cute wigs that have been lent to me and one that I really loved that I bought. Well wouldn't you know my very first day wearing it (yesterday) I was putting a pizza in the oven and immediately when I opened the oven door the bangs singed all up!!!!! I can not express my devastation enough! Brett & I couldn't afford this wig as it was, ($300!!!!) and now with one simple daily activity, it's ruined. Seriously, I was crying and very upset about it. But I have to keep things in perspective...It is just a wig after all right? God created me perfect in His sight, I am a result of His work! I love you Lord, thank you that you think I'm beautiful.
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14
So today I'm in my scarf, for the world to see, "yes, I'm going through chemo." I don't like the attention of it, I'd rather the "public" not know...I don't know why, here I am blogging to the world about it! LOL It's my hope to be very open and transparent about my journey, what a waste if I can't glorify and testify as to what God is doing in my life right now through this illness and be of encouragement to others. I think it's that there is a "stigma" attached to it or something, and I don't want people to feel "sorry" for me. I'm beyond blessed, I am getting to see God work in my life like never before...who wouldn't want that????? My heart is so grateful, really, I can not express enough the tremendous love of God that has been filling me, surrounding me, comforting me...."For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!" 2 Corinthians 4:17
The last 3 weeks have been very good, very few side-effects, been trying to do my normal daily activities and keep busy. The doctor said the women who stay active tend to have less side-effects. A few days before I found out about my diagnosis a friend of mine told me about her jewelry business. I knew she did it, but I didn't know much about it. It was very intriguing and I began to think and pray about it. A few days later when I got this diagnosis, I thought "well, that's not a an option for me now!" But God kept putting it on my heart and I argued a bit, "Lord how can I start a business now? That doesn't make sense....my plate is full!" But again, He kept impressing it on my heart. I begin to see how this business could keep my mind filled with something positive, something good to focus on AND help me to help our family pay for our health insurance that now we NEED TO KEEP! (if you've been following my blog from the beginning you know we were planning on cancelling our insurance effective June 1st....I got my diagnosis on June 1st...just one of the many miracles God had in store for us)
So I made the decision, having a peace from God that He wanted me to do this and He knows what's best for me and what I can handle if I am constantly relying on Him. I am so glad I did. I am having so much fun doing this business and really enjoyed the 2 shows I've had so far! Thank you to everyone who has supported me, ordered and/or come to one of my parties or have agreed to host a party for me! My deepest appreciation!!!
We'd also like to thank all of you who have given to our family in so many different ways out of the overflow of your hearts and in obedience to God's call. Particularly my parents...who....haven't left our side for a second and in every way possible poured out all they have in every possible way! We love you both so much. My sister whose coming again today for my 2nd treatment and was also here for my 1st. Bless You. Bless You. Bless You. I could not do this without God and my amazing, amazing family. Also our Bayside Church family, your love, support, encouragement....we are beyond blessed by you. Our hearts have been changed by your generosity and selflessness.
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." Isaiah 43:2-3
I started losing my hair about 4 days ago...saw some hairs on my pillow then after my shower quite a bit came out. Even though you know "it's coming" it is still a hard one to swallow. Since that day, the loss is coming quicker and quicker it seems. I had my head shaved a few days ago, it kinda worried Brady at first but then once he saw me he was o.k. with it. I was so happy to see my head was pretty nicely shaped! No bumps or lumps...but still a buzz cut for me...not my look :). I have some really cute wigs that have been lent to me and one that I really loved that I bought. Well wouldn't you know my very first day wearing it (yesterday) I was putting a pizza in the oven and immediately when I opened the oven door the bangs singed all up!!!!! I can not express my devastation enough! Brett & I couldn't afford this wig as it was, ($300!!!!) and now with one simple daily activity, it's ruined. Seriously, I was crying and very upset about it. But I have to keep things in perspective...It is just a wig after all right? God created me perfect in His sight, I am a result of His work! I love you Lord, thank you that you think I'm beautiful.
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14
So today I'm in my scarf, for the world to see, "yes, I'm going through chemo." I don't like the attention of it, I'd rather the "public" not know...I don't know why, here I am blogging to the world about it! LOL It's my hope to be very open and transparent about my journey, what a waste if I can't glorify and testify as to what God is doing in my life right now through this illness and be of encouragement to others. I think it's that there is a "stigma" attached to it or something, and I don't want people to feel "sorry" for me. I'm beyond blessed, I am getting to see God work in my life like never before...who wouldn't want that????? My heart is so grateful, really, I can not express enough the tremendous love of God that has been filling me, surrounding me, comforting me...."For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!" 2 Corinthians 4:17
The last 3 weeks have been very good, very few side-effects, been trying to do my normal daily activities and keep busy. The doctor said the women who stay active tend to have less side-effects. A few days before I found out about my diagnosis a friend of mine told me about her jewelry business. I knew she did it, but I didn't know much about it. It was very intriguing and I began to think and pray about it. A few days later when I got this diagnosis, I thought "well, that's not a an option for me now!" But God kept putting it on my heart and I argued a bit, "Lord how can I start a business now? That doesn't make sense....my plate is full!" But again, He kept impressing it on my heart. I begin to see how this business could keep my mind filled with something positive, something good to focus on AND help me to help our family pay for our health insurance that now we NEED TO KEEP! (if you've been following my blog from the beginning you know we were planning on cancelling our insurance effective June 1st....I got my diagnosis on June 1st...just one of the many miracles God had in store for us)
So I made the decision, having a peace from God that He wanted me to do this and He knows what's best for me and what I can handle if I am constantly relying on Him. I am so glad I did. I am having so much fun doing this business and really enjoyed the 2 shows I've had so far! Thank you to everyone who has supported me, ordered and/or come to one of my parties or have agreed to host a party for me! My deepest appreciation!!!
We'd also like to thank all of you who have given to our family in so many different ways out of the overflow of your hearts and in obedience to God's call. Particularly my parents...who....haven't left our side for a second and in every way possible poured out all they have in every possible way! We love you both so much. My sister whose coming again today for my 2nd treatment and was also here for my 1st. Bless You. Bless You. Bless You. I could not do this without God and my amazing, amazing family. Also our Bayside Church family, your love, support, encouragement....we are beyond blessed by you. Our hearts have been changed by your generosity and selflessness.
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." Isaiah 43:2-3
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me!
I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13) and that is just what I did today!!!! I just got home from receiving my first treatment.....I DID IT!!!!! Thanks be to the faithfulness of my God. Thank you to my husband and sister who sat by my side the whole time and prayed with me. Boy oh boy we anointed those medicines with the blood of Jesus, yes we did! I'm home and I feel GREAT...yep, I feel great. We asked and we received. The word tells us in James 4:2..."You do not have because you do not ask God."
When I first walked in the room, smiling, then I sat in the chair. Whoa....this is it, this is the moment....all my thoughts the last few months, the anticipation....it had arrived and so had the tears. That is when I first met Diana, she looked over and heard me saying to the nurse, "This is my first treatment." She smiled at me, I won't soon forget her beautiful smile and said "I was scared too my first time here, your going to be alright." The tear flow quickened...I feel so surrounded by love and I know God was in that room and filling me with everything I needed. My tears stopped and smile replaced them, thank you Jesus...only in You could that have happened. The three of us prayed and read the word of God aloud before the nurse proceeded...I was ready. Bring it Lord, I want miraculous signs and wonders, I want all you have for me. I want to live in your fullness. Your people are destryoed for lack of knowledge. Hosea 4:6 I want to receive everything you have for me. By your stripes we are healed... Isaiah 53:5
I sat next to another young face (Diana)...I think the only other in the entire building. Divine appointment? I think so! and guess what else???? This 27 year old beautiful lady (with hair still in tact after 8 treatments!) had a baby right around the same time as me!!!! Hello??? What are the odds of that....Jesus, Jesus, JESUS!!!! WOW! Amazing, totally amazing. She told us her story and was an inspiration to all 3 of us. She began talking to us about this book on Buddism that she is reading. She is searching....easy to spot, said she doesn't understand what she reading, this is her 2nd time reading this book. As Christians, we love, we don't judge, we don't condemn...we don't shout out..."THAT'S A LIE OF SATAN, RUN, RUN!!!" or at least we SHOULDN'T! God called us to love them, ALL. Period. We stand in the truth and we speak when the Spirit prompts us, IN LOVE and in truth. It's God's job to move in hearts of those who are ready to receive the truth. It's no wonder we are not winning more over to the Love of Christ, WE HAVE TO BE DIFFERENT, WE HAVE TO LOVE not judge! It never says in the Bible it will be easy, but if we want to win the world over that's how we ARE going to do it! Amen! Mark 12:31 "Love your neighbor as yourself and there is no commandment greater then these." John 13:35 "By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."
We smiled and listened and lavished her in love and encouragment, my sister even couragely asked if we could pray for them, they were very receptive and we all sat in the "private" room we shared together and bowed our heads and prayed. It was so amazing, so beautiful...such a divine appointment. I'll continue to keep sweet Diana and her husband in my prayers.
I prayed that as God breathed life into Adam, He would breath life into my good cells and they would live and not die. I cursed the cancer cells in Jesus Name....and I know without doubt that God heard my plea and answered my prayers. For God answers the prayers of the righteous....James 5:15 "God answers the prayers of the righteous." And am I righteous only by the blood of Christ and God see's me a Holy and just. Sin had left a crimson stain and He washed it white as snow.YES! I love it, I love it, I love it! I love Him, I love the POWER in His word. I love that it transformes lives and it HAS transformed ME! It's so awesome, there is NO other way to live! I am filled with such joy, such incredible hope. I am so hopeful you need to come touch me and get some of this! No I stand corrected...if you don't know the Savior, it's my prayer, it's my deepest desire....that would bow your head now, don't wait...and ask Him into your heart. There is not a more important decision in your life that you will ever make.
O.K. so get this....I got home and I jumped on the treadmill that my in-laws had brought over for us a few days ago. I AM NOT an exerciser, I don't do it. But I wanted to start while I was undertaking these treatments because I know it is good for me and can help combat fatigue. So my first day exercising is in fact the first day I received chemo treatment. The irony, I love how God operates...totally against the grain of the world. And I love that I'm living in it! I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me, I repeat this truth over and over in my head. Praising Him for my life, praising him that I WILL LIVE and NOT DIE. Psalm 118:17 "I will NOT die; instead, I will LIVE to tell what the Lord has done." I'm so excited to receive all that He has for me. I hope you'll send up praises to Him tonight for a wonderful day filled with His blessings. Thank you for walking in this journey with me and for every prayer you've lifted up for me and my family, may God fill your homes with his Love, Mercy, Grace, Protection, Peace and Joy. Celebrating being 25% done with Chemo! :)
P.S. In case you were wondering, the biopsy I had yesterday of the "suspicious lymph node" from my PET scan, NEGATIVE!!!!
P.S.S. My sister and I got our hair cut yesterday...she insisted on doing it too...sisters, blessings from above. Look below for our "before" and "after" pictures. Thanks to the lovely ladies at Great Clips for making it a wonderful experience for us!
Friday, July 29, 2011
Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy!
The journey continues....this morning Brett (my husband) calls me, "I'm on my way home...", "what, why?"...."They let me go". Hmmm, really? O.K., this is going to make our testimony even AWESOMER!!! (is that a word?) Honestly...it didn't phase me that much at this point, sorta had to laugh. Like Lord, you are sooooo in control, I love you and I can't wait to see where you're going to take us next. He promises to always be with us! His word is true and His love endures forever.
"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8
Then about 1/2 hour later I get a call from my Oncologist. She tells me just got out of a meeting discussing my case with 10 other Oncologists at the center (Moffit). They agree on everything except the recent results of my PET Scan. One of my lymph nodes "lit" up...when something "lights" up on this particular test it indicates cancer. This lymph node could be cancerous or it could be still reacting to my surgery, the doctors were divided about it. Either way they need to know because it will alter my treatment plan. "How could this alter my treatment plan?", "Well if it is cancer then we will have to do 6 rounds of chemo instead of the planned 4." Oh Lord, please let it be not cancer!
I told my doctor my sister was flying in today as she wants to be with me for my 1st treatment..."how soon can you get me in for the biopsy?" "I'll see what I can do." Within a 1/2 hour they had called me to schedule my biopsy on Monday. So hopefully my scheduled 1st treatment will happen without delay.
I went shopping a couple of days of go to look at wigs...they look "wiggy", fake, not me at all. I was pretty discouraged about this, not to mention how expensive they are! A good friend of mine told me about a place in Tampa that has great wigs made out of human hair....expensive, but they look very good. Not sure when I'll be able to go, but I'd sure like to try one on. Do you believe insurance doesn't cover wigs for people going through chemo? It's considered a luxury item....whatever. I don't mind wearing scarf's and plan to most of the time, but I think there is going to be those times when I want to go out in public and not want everyone to know what I'm going through and I'd love to have a wig that I'm comfortable with for those days.
On a VERY positive note...I had my very 1st Jewelry show last night. I have started my own jewelry business through a Christian company called "Premier Designs". I have wanted to do this for a few months now, but when I got my diagnosis I thought..."now's not the time, plate full." Well the Lord kept placing it on my heart and I could not stop thinking about it. I felt like the Lord told me this would be something positive for me to do while I'm going through my treatment; as well as a way I can help my family financially during this time. God was right, shock, surprise...he he. Of course He is....my show was so fun and very successful! I was so touched by the ladies who were able to come and support me in this new venture!!!! I'm even having another "show" tomorrow. This truly has helped me focus on something else besides all the yucky and scary stuff coming up. I love doing this, it was the right decision. Especially now that Brett is out of work, I'm the sole income earner! :)
I'll tell ya, if somebody would have told me in January what our year would be like I would have never believed it!!!! But as a result, my faith has sky rocketed and my love for Jesus is OUT OF CONTROL!!!! I sure hope it's contagious! Being able to see His hand working in big stuff and in the little bitty small stuff is something I would never have wanted to miss out on. The more difficult the situation the more we are refined, the more we will look like Christ. What joy awaits us on the other end, I can hardly wait!!!!
"Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy." Psalm 126:5
"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8
Then about 1/2 hour later I get a call from my Oncologist. She tells me just got out of a meeting discussing my case with 10 other Oncologists at the center (Moffit). They agree on everything except the recent results of my PET Scan. One of my lymph nodes "lit" up...when something "lights" up on this particular test it indicates cancer. This lymph node could be cancerous or it could be still reacting to my surgery, the doctors were divided about it. Either way they need to know because it will alter my treatment plan. "How could this alter my treatment plan?", "Well if it is cancer then we will have to do 6 rounds of chemo instead of the planned 4." Oh Lord, please let it be not cancer!
I told my doctor my sister was flying in today as she wants to be with me for my 1st treatment..."how soon can you get me in for the biopsy?" "I'll see what I can do." Within a 1/2 hour they had called me to schedule my biopsy on Monday. So hopefully my scheduled 1st treatment will happen without delay.
I went shopping a couple of days of go to look at wigs...they look "wiggy", fake, not me at all. I was pretty discouraged about this, not to mention how expensive they are! A good friend of mine told me about a place in Tampa that has great wigs made out of human hair....expensive, but they look very good. Not sure when I'll be able to go, but I'd sure like to try one on. Do you believe insurance doesn't cover wigs for people going through chemo? It's considered a luxury item....whatever. I don't mind wearing scarf's and plan to most of the time, but I think there is going to be those times when I want to go out in public and not want everyone to know what I'm going through and I'd love to have a wig that I'm comfortable with for those days.
On a VERY positive note...I had my very 1st Jewelry show last night. I have started my own jewelry business through a Christian company called "Premier Designs". I have wanted to do this for a few months now, but when I got my diagnosis I thought..."now's not the time, plate full." Well the Lord kept placing it on my heart and I could not stop thinking about it. I felt like the Lord told me this would be something positive for me to do while I'm going through my treatment; as well as a way I can help my family financially during this time. God was right, shock, surprise...he he. Of course He is....my show was so fun and very successful! I was so touched by the ladies who were able to come and support me in this new venture!!!! I'm even having another "show" tomorrow. This truly has helped me focus on something else besides all the yucky and scary stuff coming up. I love doing this, it was the right decision. Especially now that Brett is out of work, I'm the sole income earner! :)
I'll tell ya, if somebody would have told me in January what our year would be like I would have never believed it!!!! But as a result, my faith has sky rocketed and my love for Jesus is OUT OF CONTROL!!!! I sure hope it's contagious! Being able to see His hand working in big stuff and in the little bitty small stuff is something I would never have wanted to miss out on. The more difficult the situation the more we are refined, the more we will look like Christ. What joy awaits us on the other end, I can hardly wait!!!!
"Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy." Psalm 126:5
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Moffit Appointment
Wow...God has got me! We went to Moffit Cancer Center in Tampa today to get a 2nd opinion on my treatment. What a beautiful facility and great experience we had there. I loved the oncologist, she was warm, compassion and very smart! She was "hip" on all the very latest and updated treatment options available. I felt like I was very prepared for this appointment....I have now learned a lot about my condition, the terminology, the treatment, the drugs used...so I felt like I could ask more intelligent questions and she was sure able to answer everything. Just what I needed! She helped me understand the "why chemo?" in all of this better then I had before...so let me share "the why chemo" with you too.
If you've been following my blog you know my breast cancer is "Her2nu positive" and that has been the big deal with my particular situation. Only 20% of breast cancer's are Her2nu positive, 80% are negative! I didn't realize it was so rare! My tumor cells have too much "her2" protein on their surface. This protein makes the tumor able to grow and spread quickly and can make them less likely to respond to some cancer treatments and more likely to recur after treatment! If it reoccurs it comes back in the blood, bone, liver or lungs... so praise GOD for a drug called "herceptin". Herceptin is the antibody for her2nu and has only been used for about 5 years now and has "revolutionized" breast cancer treatment for the her2nu positive cancers. It's the "magic bullet". Before then a her2nu positive cancer prognosis was pretty glum. Scary.
Not only do I have her2nu positive cancer, but I just got some tests results back last week that I'd been waiting on. It was called the Oncotype Dx test. For this test they took the tumor I had removed and ran it through a series of tests to see how likely it was reoccur in my body. My test came back off the chart as "high probability" for recurrence! She told me every year that goes by my risk would go up and up, in 30 years my percentage for this kind of cancer reoccurring in my body was 69-72% if I didn't do herceptin!!!! WOW! So do I need treatment???? The answer is a resounding YES I DO! Thank you Jesus for making that so clear to me....that is what I'd been praying for. I just wasn't putting 2 and 2 together, but now it's all beginning to make sense.
The unfortunate news is that herceptin has only been tested with chemotherapy....trials are currently underway for it's use alone. Five years from now, women may not need the chemotherapy with it's use, but the research is just not there yet. However, 5 years ago if I would have got this diagnosis, herceptin would have still be in clinical trials! So I have to look at the positive and thank God for the research and work that produced herceptin in time for me and all the women who are facing her2nu positive breast cancer. My doctor said the research for breast cancer is moving very fast; they have found that their are many different kinds of breast cancer and each type requires different treatment...no longer can or should they treat breast cancer all the same.
Now here's the good news about my "type". I am also estrogen and progesterone receptor positive. Which means my cancer is hormone driven. So the estrogen and progesterone in my body causes my cancer to grow. I guess this is good news in my case because they can also treat that part of my cancer with a drug called Tamoxifen which is an anti-estrogen therapy and thus taking away what my cancer needs to grow. The unfortunate part of taking that drug is I could go into early menopause...thank you Jesus for my new baby Brooke! I will take that drug for 5 years...yuck, but hey it's saving my life! My cancer is considered a "triple" positive cancer.
In other GREAT news....and this made my day by far....she told me she feels comfortable with giving me only 4 rounds of chemo as oppossed to the standard 6!!!! YES! YES! YES! I was so happy to hear that! I will get 1 treatment every 3 weeks, so I will be done with chemo in 3 months! Now the herceptin will continue for a full year, I get 14 treatments of herceptin. But my hair will start growing back after the chemo part is over! Yeah...and I've heard my hair will grow in thicker when it comes back...YES LORD!
So when will this all begin. Well with Moffit it takes about 2 weeks before they can get me scheduled to get my "port" put in. 2 weeks? and then a week after the port they will begin treatment. 3 weeks? I'm ready to start now and get this over with....now that I know what I have to do. Enter Jesus....got a call this morning Moffit had a cancellation and I will get my port on Friday!!! 2 days instead of 2 weeks.....JESUS. Every step, every step, He hasn't missed a beat! Not one! AWESOME IS OUR GOD!!!!! Can I just share another beautiful thing the Lord did for me?
Most of you know (if you've been reading my blog) how financially hard this has been on us. So some of my "wants" are pretty far down the list! I got some "maternity" pictures taken before Brooke was born and I really wanted to go back to Krystle (the lady who took our pictures) and get some pictures of Brooke and "new" completed family. I didn't even think to pray about this because again it was so far down our list. But God knew it was the desire of my heart. So low and behold...what does the Lord do? Krystle contacts me out of the blue (she's on maternity leave herself none the less!) and says "God put you on my heart this morning and I would like to do a set of pictures for you as a gift." I had no words, just tears. God loves us so much, he cares about every thought, every desire, every detail of our lives more then I think we can possible understand this side of heaven! What good father wouldn't give their children good gifts? We had them taken on Sunday, thank you so very much Krystle Sommers!
Tomorrow morning I go up to Moffit to get my port put in as I mentioned, Tuesday I go back up there for a "Mugga scan" of my heart and "Chemo teaching". Then Tuesday, August 2nd I go for my 1st treatment. My stomach gets butterflies just thinking about it....I'm scared, I am....I don't know how I would do this without my Lord and savior Jesus Christ. He truly is my rock, my fortress, my healer. My sister is coming into town to be with me for my birthday (July 30th) and my 1st treatment. There is something very special about sisters, a bond that is unexplainable. Thank you Jesus, for all you have done, are doing and plan to do to see me through this triumphantly!
Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall.
If you've been following my blog you know my breast cancer is "Her2nu positive" and that has been the big deal with my particular situation. Only 20% of breast cancer's are Her2nu positive, 80% are negative! I didn't realize it was so rare! My tumor cells have too much "her2" protein on their surface. This protein makes the tumor able to grow and spread quickly and can make them less likely to respond to some cancer treatments and more likely to recur after treatment! If it reoccurs it comes back in the blood, bone, liver or lungs... so praise GOD for a drug called "herceptin". Herceptin is the antibody for her2nu and has only been used for about 5 years now and has "revolutionized" breast cancer treatment for the her2nu positive cancers. It's the "magic bullet". Before then a her2nu positive cancer prognosis was pretty glum. Scary.
Not only do I have her2nu positive cancer, but I just got some tests results back last week that I'd been waiting on. It was called the Oncotype Dx test. For this test they took the tumor I had removed and ran it through a series of tests to see how likely it was reoccur in my body. My test came back off the chart as "high probability" for recurrence! She told me every year that goes by my risk would go up and up, in 30 years my percentage for this kind of cancer reoccurring in my body was 69-72% if I didn't do herceptin!!!! WOW! So do I need treatment???? The answer is a resounding YES I DO! Thank you Jesus for making that so clear to me....that is what I'd been praying for. I just wasn't putting 2 and 2 together, but now it's all beginning to make sense.
The unfortunate news is that herceptin has only been tested with chemotherapy....trials are currently underway for it's use alone. Five years from now, women may not need the chemotherapy with it's use, but the research is just not there yet. However, 5 years ago if I would have got this diagnosis, herceptin would have still be in clinical trials! So I have to look at the positive and thank God for the research and work that produced herceptin in time for me and all the women who are facing her2nu positive breast cancer. My doctor said the research for breast cancer is moving very fast; they have found that their are many different kinds of breast cancer and each type requires different treatment...no longer can or should they treat breast cancer all the same.
Now here's the good news about my "type". I am also estrogen and progesterone receptor positive. Which means my cancer is hormone driven. So the estrogen and progesterone in my body causes my cancer to grow. I guess this is good news in my case because they can also treat that part of my cancer with a drug called Tamoxifen which is an anti-estrogen therapy and thus taking away what my cancer needs to grow. The unfortunate part of taking that drug is I could go into early menopause...thank you Jesus for my new baby Brooke! I will take that drug for 5 years...yuck, but hey it's saving my life! My cancer is considered a "triple" positive cancer.
In other GREAT news....and this made my day by far....she told me she feels comfortable with giving me only 4 rounds of chemo as oppossed to the standard 6!!!! YES! YES! YES! I was so happy to hear that! I will get 1 treatment every 3 weeks, so I will be done with chemo in 3 months! Now the herceptin will continue for a full year, I get 14 treatments of herceptin. But my hair will start growing back after the chemo part is over! Yeah...and I've heard my hair will grow in thicker when it comes back...YES LORD!
So when will this all begin. Well with Moffit it takes about 2 weeks before they can get me scheduled to get my "port" put in. 2 weeks? and then a week after the port they will begin treatment. 3 weeks? I'm ready to start now and get this over with....now that I know what I have to do. Enter Jesus....got a call this morning Moffit had a cancellation and I will get my port on Friday!!! 2 days instead of 2 weeks.....JESUS. Every step, every step, He hasn't missed a beat! Not one! AWESOME IS OUR GOD!!!!! Can I just share another beautiful thing the Lord did for me?
Most of you know (if you've been reading my blog) how financially hard this has been on us. So some of my "wants" are pretty far down the list! I got some "maternity" pictures taken before Brooke was born and I really wanted to go back to Krystle (the lady who took our pictures) and get some pictures of Brooke and "new" completed family. I didn't even think to pray about this because again it was so far down our list. But God knew it was the desire of my heart. So low and behold...what does the Lord do? Krystle contacts me out of the blue (she's on maternity leave herself none the less!) and says "God put you on my heart this morning and I would like to do a set of pictures for you as a gift." I had no words, just tears. God loves us so much, he cares about every thought, every desire, every detail of our lives more then I think we can possible understand this side of heaven! What good father wouldn't give their children good gifts? We had them taken on Sunday, thank you so very much Krystle Sommers!
Tomorrow morning I go up to Moffit to get my port put in as I mentioned, Tuesday I go back up there for a "Mugga scan" of my heart and "Chemo teaching". Then Tuesday, August 2nd I go for my 1st treatment. My stomach gets butterflies just thinking about it....I'm scared, I am....I don't know how I would do this without my Lord and savior Jesus Christ. He truly is my rock, my fortress, my healer. My sister is coming into town to be with me for my birthday (July 30th) and my 1st treatment. There is something very special about sisters, a bond that is unexplainable. Thank you Jesus, for all you have done, are doing and plan to do to see me through this triumphantly!
Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall.
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